While I'm making this post, I am doing determination.. whether I am really going to post it or not.
I am full of determination.
I just type and I'll type what crossed my head.
I had this hope, hopes that no one would understand this post.
Did you regret ? Regret? Did you?
I've been keeping this for long.
I've dissapointed u before and I keep doing it over and over again.
Are you tired? Did you feel suffocate?
I think Im done with this rainy days. I think you too.
I had this thought were I dont want to get close to you because I keep hurting you.
What's the point of keeping me?
I think of suicide but I dont dare to do it.
Im not that type of mankind.
Do you think of it too?
If you think of it too, I dont think it's the best way.
From minor now it's huge.
Do you think we will ever overcome this in future?
Im sure this will be happening again.
What do you think about it?
Im saying the right thing?
I've told my friends that Im better off away.
I've told God sent me far away.
Does it looks like a take away hope?
Im just tired and Im feeling done.
I mean,
what's the use of fighting when we know we're going nowhere.
Should I shut my self down?
I might be going far away from you, not to the sky .
As you wished, you wanted me to go and hopes I will never see you again?
Do you really wanted me to do it?
Because you told me you never understand me.
But i dont understand myself either but i do get it that I dont get along with you.
Should I just pray for you and love you from the pain I had by loving you?
Should I just pray the best for you hereafter .
Should I never show my face in front of you again?
Well, I dont understand you either.
Great. We dont understand each other.
Im not what you wanted. But you have two more person who made you happy and never hurt you like I did.
I Shouldnt think of suicide anymore.
I'll just die naturally soon or later.
I'm putting my hands in yours, and Im sorry for everything. I mean, everything from the first time I hurt you.
Let's just dont care about each other anymore.
the more we care about each other, the more the pain we earned.
Im thanking you for everything you did.
We have been through so many thing. we came this far.
It's a glory though.
Don't hurt yourself for me anymore.
It's not worth it.
as Im just going to hurt you again.
Pretend like we are not bonded? should we? no we shouldnt. Let's just pretend like nothing even happened.
Do you want to repeat the time when we get awkward with each other after the huge fight we had?
Im sure you dont want. :)
So, just goodbye.
Im really going to leave you.
Please live happily :)
I AM SORRY.
I'm just going to be yours by the distance we gonna get after this.
I think it's more beautiful bond.
We going to be great if we stay in a distance.
I used to had this thought where I dont want to go and leave you alone.
I just want to keep you by myside even we only have scattered memories.
But I think it's turned upside down.
I used to have this tons of pills in my pocket.
I've swallowed it.
You even asked me do I really want to die?
I've stopped doing it. I dont touch it never again.
Should I re-do it?