WRITE A STORY BEGINNING WITH “HE TURNED AROUND AND THERE IT WAS..”
He
turned around and there it was , the frame of her picture. He walked closer
towards the frame which is (was) faded on the wall. He looked sharply at the frame
and observed every little inch of
the picture. He put his left hand at the glass's frame gently. Slowly he rubbed the frame like (as if) he was rubbing her
face. His heart felt terribly hurt. He was no longer gently rubbing the
frame instead, he gripped his fist tightly. He felt disappointed with
himself. He will always blame himself. Since the incident, he has never let himself
come to visited her family's
house. He knew that no one pointed a finger on him for what had happened
but he has
always think (though) that they did not blame him because
they just wanted to make him feel better. He knew that in reflect, they have always felt that it was his
fault. That's why there are was always a fuss for him whenever they invited
him to come over.
He heard
a voice whispered (whispering) into his ears. He
looked around over and
over again. He wanted to make sure if there was anyone there. His hand was
no longer on the frame. He turned his body around and leaned on against the wall. His eyes
was (were) still rolling from
left to right, from up to (and) down. “Did I really heard (hear) something?”, he
asked himself even though he knew he will never got (get) the answer. He took
a deep breath and try (tried) to calm himself
down. He tried to remembered back how did he got into that house
but somehow, he is unable to flashback what had happened. “Did I knocked
my head on something? Who brought me here?”. Again, he asked himself asking a question which he
was unable to answer. As he felt better than before, he started to
walked into her room. The door was just next to him. He is The room was unlighted to do it
but his intuition told him to enter the room. He took a step by step baby steps towards the door and
slowly opened the door. “This room
look the same, exactly
like the when I first time I entered it came here.”
He noticed a note on the mirror and
read it. “ Restaurant Harold's Kentucky. 9 p.m.”. It took a few minutes
before he After a few minutes he tried to understand (understood) it. He finally knew what the note was
all about. “ This is the place where we are (were) supposed to meet!”. He read the note
over and over again.
“Yeah! I knew!
Something is going to happen
tonight! I just got have the feeling”. Amanda suddenly appeared
behind him. He was shocked that he couldn't felt his heart anymore. She was
talking on the phone with her friend maybe. She wore a flawless white
dress. She looks (looked) so beautiful on it. He called her name, “Amanda!”, but she did not
response (respond) to him. He got
suspicious. “Why she did not pay attention to me? Amanda?”. She still did not
responded to him. “What is happening right now?”. He felt
miserable. He still remembered that night they was (were) supposed to met. It
was a date for them. He planned to proposed to her that night. He
knew that Amanda (has
waited for him for a very long time) was long waited for him to proposed
to her. They've been dating for about 3 years and finally they are (were) going to tied
the knot. He waited for her at the restaurant for almost 2 hours but she did
not turned up. He simply made a conclusion that she don't want him anymore.
Maybe she has
changed her mind already. He called her but she did not answer picked up the
call. He called her for more than 30 times he think. He was really
disappointed and pissed off. So he got home, he and locked himself in his room.
One hours after that An hour later, he got a call from her but he did not
picked up the call. He tried to give her cue that he was mad at her. She
called him four times and then, his phone was silence (silent) from any ringing.
All he could think at
that time was that she did not love him
seriously as much as he did.
“You think, white
dress will look good on me? I
want to look beautiful tonight”. She got into her closet and took out all the
dress she has got in the closet.
She tried to fit in all the closet. “You look just beautiful.
Always dear.” He whispered on his lips. He followed where ever Amanda went. From
In front of the mirror, to her closet and then back again to the mirror.
He wanted to touched her but he could not do it. She will never noticed
him. “Oh my God. I am very late. He must have waited for me for almost about 30 minutes already and I am still
struggling with my outfit.” Amanda rushed into her closet again and ended
the call. She put on some makeup on her face with a bright smile. “Should I
do it a little thick or just a simple look?” She looked nervous and miserable
yet she was so happy. “Amanda, you always look good”. He knelt on the floor and
cried. He missed her so much. He was still barely accepting the fact that she
was gone.
“Amanda!”. Her mom
shouted her name from the downstairs. “Yeah mom?”. Amanda grabbed her
handbag and high heels. She run towards the downstairs and then a glass
broke sound heard. He suddenly forgot about how missed much he missed was to Amanda
and quickly went to the downstairs. Someone ambushed into their house.
Amanda lied on the floor effortless. Her mother was tied. One of the thugs
pointed a gun at her dad. He tried to help them but it was worthless. He was
like
an invisible
person that no one could notice he was there. He run towards Amanda and
tried to protected her but it was worthless. No matter Even how loud he shouted her
name, she still could not heard him. He was cried a river when he
saw one of the thugs tried (trying) to got (get) closer to her. Suddenly, Amanda's
brother, Hartnett showed up from the kitchen and beat the punched
the thug but he felt (fell
on) into the floor and the thug hit him
back. Amanda's dad wanted to help them but the thug who was with him
threatened him with the gun. “Stop! I will give you guys what you guys
want! I will give! Don't hurt my child!”. The thug stopped. Amanda got
up slowly and wanted to go to her mother. She wanted to untie her mother but before
she could do it, the thug grabbed her and locked her in a store room.
She knocked on
the door over and over again in meantime while she shouted for her parents name.
She quickly called him. “I'm sorry. I was being so selfish . I should have listened
to you. I should have
answered your call.” He cried again. He only could only cried (cry). “Come on, pick up
the phone, Jay”, Amanda begging with tears. “Hey! What are you doing!”, the
thug suddenly opened the door. He was
bold and has a tough body. He pulled Amanda's hair and brought her out of the
room. Her phone was no longer with her. She tried to fight against the man
but she was too weak to do so. “You said you will give us what we wanted! I
want her.” As Amanda heard what the man's had said, she tried to run away
from the man. She slapped and kicked him but he was still able go against (to hold on to) her. Situation got
serious and chaos.
Jay
tried to let Amanda go from that man but it was still hopeless. No
matter what he did, nothing was going to change. That man tried to did
something to Amanda which caused her mother to knock the man down. Her father
was also tried to help her but the man with the gun pulled the trigger
and, bang! A shot just made (heard) but no one was hurt. That shot causes(caused) everyone to freeze
but the man still tried to do something to harass Amanda. Her father
struggled with the man. Amanda tried to calm her father down so nothing
unwanted action could been avoided but it was too late. A shot just
got through her chest. Everyone was numb. “Dude, why did you shoot her?”. The
man with the gun could not believe himself that he had shot her. He looked
worried. Then all of them ran out from of the house. Jay stood
there and watched Amanda bleeding to death. He really don't want her to
leave him. She was bleeding. All of her
family members surrounded her and convinced her that she could make it. Amanda
was suffocated (suffocating). She looks like
wanted to say something but she could not make it. He could not think of anything when he saw
her dying
spend her last breathe that night. He shouted her name,
“Amanda! Amanda! Amanda!”, but death has taken her away from him forever do their part.
Jay woke up
from his sleep and looked around. “Jay!
Finally! You wake up! It has been a long time since you have slept! Let me call
you a doctor.” Amanda's mother then walked out from the ward and left him in a dark blank. He
looked around and tried to remember what had happened. “How did I get here?” In
(At) the same time, he
tried to remember the dream he had got. He wondered whether it was really a
dream?”. Before he could answer his own question, Amanda's mother got back into
the ward with a doctor next to her time. The doctor said he was
fine. He asked her, “ What happened? How did can I get in here?”.
Amanda's mother looked at him, took a deep breath before she answered his
question, “You were
involved have been in an accident a day after Amanda was buried. Don't
worry, we still love you and still accept you as our son in law”. So it was not a dream. Amanda
is really dead. Jay began to wonder what was the meaning behind the dream? Was
Amanda trying to tell him something? Jay began to look out the window, hoping
to recall Amanda’s pain and fear as she was trying to call him? Amanda.....I
have let you down......I have left you at the moment you needed me the most.
Amanda......
A very interesting story ......
Readers need to follow the story
carefully to really understand that it is a flashback.
The ending was hanging so I wrote a
few lines to give you an idea of a possible ending.
You can change it .....
D-27
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