it's 14th April . And it's my mom's birthday, and my bestfriends birthday, MA AND MA. Haha. Mariam. and Mariyah. Happy birthday to the three of you.
Yesterday, i dont know why. I ended up with mood down .
I watched korean drama, " High School , Love On" and it's not that sad drama , but I ended up crying.
I just.
Entah. Keep thinking about my life.
Yang salahnya, is I compared my life with others. Maybe sebab tu, I felt down.
So down. Double down.
Kept thinking about ...
entah.
everything let me down.
Semalam is the suprise day for my mom.
 So I lied to my mom, tak. bukan tipu. just, sneaking out?
I told her im going out to meet ma friends. but actually, motif utama keluar is for the suprise thing la.
But betul pun, meantime, pergi jumpa kawan .
I just.
felt so alone.
like I got no friends.
everywhere i go , i ended up going out alone.
maybe, i prefer that way,
but comes to think of it, i have been going out alone since i graduated from high school.
because i keep thinking , no one can bare my attitude.
so, rather than going out with someone that might talked behind my back,
why dont just go out sendiri?
like,
you dont have to worry much about other things.
 it is only you.
but thing is . it's dangerous.
what if i get into trouble, i have none to seek for help?
truth is.
i hate asking help .
like.
really.
takut if dorang ingat nak ambil kesempatan.
so do him.
i know,
it's another step.
it's another level.
but, why i feel like he is still a stranger.
i can't even be myself.
i dont feel comfortable.
asyik terfikir beza nya cara hidup kitorang.
i looked at his family.
i looked at mine.
it's total inverse.
you can obviously see the difference.
i cant' deny it.
he gave me this book.
he told me to write everything in that book.
i write nothing.
im scared,
i ended up write all of my sorrow.
cause you know what?
my life is full of sorrow.
there's no happiness.
i forgot the last time i laughed sincerely.
i forgot the last time i feel belonged and wanted.
i forgot the last time people notice my existance.
i think,
i dont even exist.
at one time, people can tell you how much you mean the world ,
the next day, you're just no one.
they can just throw you away without hesitate.

i have nothing be proud of.
i got depression.
im a lady with anaemia.
i have no money.
i have zillion problem.
my family is not like others.
my life isnt normal.
everything i held inside my heart alone.
i never shared it.
because,
 no one cares
not even my mom knows what i really feel.
she never saw me cry.

i felt like the weight of the world is on my shoulder.

Assalamualaikum and HI!

*smirk

Im home babeyh. Its not like I havent been home for such a long time. It's just , I really dont wanna stay there. You know where is "there". *lol*

It's just I felt like a wallflower around them. That's why I dont wanna stay there.

It's better Im home and live in my world. The world I created, where I feel belonged and wanted. even it's only to myself.

Yesterday was horror.

not really a horror.

To be honest, i dont have any  shoe  to wear. and I have to wake up early.

I was about to missed the bus but my mom catch the bus for me. She was like, 

when I was young. She would accompanied me while waiting for the school bus to come. 

Yes, it felt just like before. 

I was smiling all the way long in the bus when I remembered it.

Whatever, I was early yesterday for my bus to "there".

my test was at 3. I thought 2. so, I arrived at "there" at 12 and I asked Atiliah  to grab a lunch together. And I have to wait for her for a few minutes. It's okay.

I think, among all of the people in "there", I feel comfortable and wanted around Atiliah.

Maybe, it's only her who noticed Im exist? LOL

*Im not crying*

Whatever.

We grab a lunch together. We had a talked . We talked about guy. 

we talked about almost everything.

I'm happy around her.

 Actually, I was worried about last night.

I dont know who's gonna fetch me when I reached KL.

But , ..... that guy, willing to fetch me.

Im touched. 

The bus that Im supposed to ride got into a trouble. It's the tyre or something.

The bus was like, sick. DOUBLE SICK.

I think the tyre is about to explode?

Cause the bus is like , unstable. The left side of the bus is lower than the right side. and we have to jumped out of the bus. cause the staircase is lifting , due to the tyre expanse. 

I was late for about an hour.

I arrived at KL at 10. can you believe it?

10?

I thought it's gonna be dark or something , but turned out. it's not so bad.

i guess KL didn't sleep?

He waited me at the LRT station. just around the corner. His expression when he saw me, 

gosh. I can't forget it.

I just.. i dont know what to say.

His words kinda a spell for me?

He offered to carry the bag for me but i was like, " no . it's okay" cause it's not like Im playing hard. but it's just.. the bag contained the laundry. Dude, im not gonna carry it! what if it's spilled out? I DONT KNOW WHAT TO IMAGINE . THAT WOULD BE A DREAM HUH? LOL

We talked. He said he just finished his worked. not really finished. still need to do an assignment. he got presentation about the community centre model this monday. 

I was like, " have you finished with the model?

and he was like, " there is still no model yet. " and laughed.

He showed me his video , the faculty trip. it was funny. i laughed hard.

but, not because of him. it's because of his friend. am i to mean? lol . cant help it.

he opened the door for me. he was like, "Dont! dont get in the car yet!" and he opened the door. and he said, " okay. shut it yourself". 

and like usual, our conversation started with him saying , " so how was your day?", " are you feeling much better than yesterday? or you still feel sick?". and my favourite question, " are you hungry?".

LOL.

He got me nasi beriani. 

suddenly he stopped his car at the sidewalk . and said, " do you wanna see stars?".

he looked up and said, " but there's no stars. it's okay, let's just watch the ad board".lol.

i was laughing all the way long.

when we reached home, he was like, " let's go get a drink or something. whatever you like. i dont want to send you home yet. i wanna talk to you".

and we ended up talked in the car.

it was late. and i was worried that his parents might gonna kill me or something.

here's the thing. he was like the girl. and i was like the guy . it's like i have to take care about this kinda of thing. it was.. inverse. and it quite. like a movie. hahaahha

he gave a gift. his favourite shirt and a bag from Bangkok.

i was like, " what size you get for me?". he said, " XL". 

after the talked, he was like, " oh my god! im sorry. you must have been tired. and i asked you to talked to me. actually, it's been tiring day. but i feel like im not at all when i see your face. so it's like, i want to keep you.". lol.

so he send me home. he opened the door.

i was waiting for him to depart. he was like, not moving a bit. he kept saying bye. thousand times. but still not moving. he reversed the car. opened the door.

" im sorry for being busy lately. but i only got you, tau". hahaha

i was like . okay okay.

but still he's not going.

i waited for a few minutes before he leave.

and he leave. hahaha

i was smiling all the way long.

did i tell you he confessed to me by singing a song and highlighted on the " i just want to say i love you" part?

yes. he did. 

gosh. he such a sweetheart.

kongcikongcikongciniyah!

Hi! It's holiday bro! Haha. It has been such a meaningful holiday for me.
Still ingat my own promise to myself,
to do something. seek something, myself when I'm older.
So, here I am, old enough to stand on my own feet and make my own decisions. Im 20, hella friends!
Haha.
Kekadang bila orang tanya, umur berapa, rasa macam, " eh biar betul aku ni 20 tahun". haha
Apa-apa je la.
So, Rabu dah start holiday, buat cuti sendiri. Haha.
Pagi rabu bangun dengan nervousnya apa semua, haha,
so, bas was at 8.30am. Sat next to a handsome guy. hehe.
I was like a frozen stone. Tak boleh nak tidur.
Dengan tak sedap perutnya. *it has been like almost a week makan lepastu muntah balik*
Segagah mana tak nak tidur, last sekali ,tertidur jugak.
Lepastu tersedar sebab rasa macam kena himpit je tangan ni .
Hmm. Lelaki tu tertidur juga, bila bas belok , dia pun ikut belok. aku ni, dah tertepek kt tingkap. kalau boleh tepek, aku nak tepek kan lagi. last sekali bila aku rasa tak selesa, aku terus bangun buat buat nak betul kan baju ke beg ke dengan harapan lelaki tu faham la kan.
Lepastu, bas tu berhenti dekat 7 perhentian aku rasa.
 setiap perhentian dia berhenti. Aku rasa naik kematu dah ,6 jam kot perjalanan. 6 ke lima jam. sampai Melaka Sentral, kul 2 ptg something. But,
serius tak boleh lupa.
Kat perhentian mana tah, *actually belum sampai lagi perhentian tu, dah nak dekat sampai*
aku rasa macam perut ni serius tak sedap gila. mula nak tahan je, fikir perhentian lepas ni nak turun pergi toilet.
sekali, dekat simpang mana entah, termuntah.
nasib baik ada plastik beli air mineral.
lelaki kt sebelah tu, " awak okay ke tak ni?"
lepastu hulur tisu. ececeh. melting.
lepastu aku pun pergi lah toilet , kumuh kumuh apa semua.
padahal pagi tu aku minum nestum je kot.
nak naik bas tu, fikir dua tiga kali cemana nak tutup muka ni. malu gila.
lepastu ,
lelaki tu tanya, " okay tak? "
aku pun angguk angguk je.
lepastu, scene dia tertidur tu, ulang balik.
aku memang tak boleh nak tidur.
dia turun kt alor gajah sentral.
dia turun je,
aku terus menggeliat.
penat jadi batu kaku oi. haha
Had fun time dekat rumah ayah
First time nampak babiri.
babiri kot. rasanya lah . first time lah tengok orang sembelih kambing, tengok rumah minangkabau pe semua.
part yang sembelih kambing tu aku tak tengok sangat pun, sebab aku rasa mcm tak sampai hati je.
haha.
lagipun aku bukannya makan pun daging.
jadi aku hanya duduk melangok layan tv
esoknya, pepagi buta ayah hantar nasi goreng dengan telur.
aku bukan nya jenis makan nasi ni.
dah agak dah kena paksa makan.
lepastu tengahari ayah hantar lagi nasi ayam.
ayah tanya dah makan belum nasi goreng. aku jawab je lah dah.
lepastu ayah pergi kerja balik.
lepastu ayah jerit, " adik! makan nasi tu!".
ceh, mcm tetau je aku tak makan lagi.
so aku pun buka la dedua polisterin tu. belah kiri, nasi ayam, belah kanan nasi goreng. last sekali aku makan ayan dengan telur je. nasi tak larat nak makan
.dengan perut tak sihatnya lagi.
kalau pak lang tahu ni aku buang nasi, comfirm kena bedal. pak lang dah la pantang orang buang nasi ke makan tak habis ke.
malam tu, makan lagi.
kali ni sebab pak lang ada, aku bedal je la.
esok pagi muntahhh. hahaha
pagi tadi, ayah cerita cerita. ayah cerita and boleh dengar suara ayah berubah.
sebak.
why ayah cakap pasal mati?
not ready yet.
lepastu ayah teman breakfast.
but, malam first kt rumah ayah, dapat solat jemaah dengan ayah. first time. serius terharu.
finally, doa termakbul. doa sepuluh tahun, termakbul. :)
before departure, ayah hantar sampai kat depan pintu bas.
ayah tunggu je depan bas tu.
sebak pula.
last sekali menangis.
haahahahha
tak boleh nak babai ayah sebab seat belakang sangat. nak babai pun ayah comfirm tak nampak. anak beranak sama je rabun jauh. haha
sampai je kl, boleh jadi tourist guide kt orang thailand ni. nasib baik destinasi sama. so boleh la.
nama dia niah. niah ni excited gila cerita pasal husband dia.
aku pun dengar je la .
nak fahamkan english dia lagi.
dia gelarkan diri dia "me". me married him blablabla. comel comel je.
lepas hantar dia kat stesen dia, aku pergi aeon jap.
teman baby nad lunch.
aku lupa aku bawa beg banyak.
no wonder people stares mcm nak telan. pergi mall mcm nak pergi tbs.
selamba dekk je.
kisah pulak akuu. hahah
Tunggu baby nad ni macam tunggu buah rambutan gugur.
aku dah la nak terkucil.
biasalah, jumpa baby nad, comfirm cerita pasal kerja kerja kerja.
haha
kelakar je baby nad cerita pasal kelas dia tu.
lepastu, sampai rumah pukul 4.
beli kan ibu rojak dulu. baru balik.
lepastu, balik rumah je terbongkang.
hahaha.
sakit perut lagi ni.
kenapalah perut aku ni
problem tul.
anyway,
Isha dengan Harith pergi holiday overseas.
aish, menangis aku.
Ana pun balik kg, kalau tak boleh food hunting . hmmm.
bawa diri aku kali. totally bawa diri.
makan hati.
hahaahahahaha
kbye

Assalamualaikum.
Just got back from Jengkalifornia .
Tired as funk.
Haha.
Woke up to a such comfort morning , in my own room. Yup. My own room. No longer sharing room. It's not official yet but Im gonna make it happen. Haha.
Just kidding.
Kerek gila speaking kan. Tengah nak improve-kan english language.
Acah hijabista. Haktuih.
Malam tadi sempat juga berjumpa dengan Isha, telah ku leraikan segala permasalahan dengan dia bersama - sama peluh yang jatuh berderai. Kamek berdua jogging memalam buta. Kau hado?
Haha.
Geng semua risau kitorang ni macam hangit je .
Faham-faham la maksudnya.
Sejak menjak termenjak beberapa minggu lepas, kan selalu kena marah dengan Isha.
Boleh faham kenapa dia emosi tak stabil. Tapi semua habis kena tempias dekat aku.
Nasib baik aku penuh dengan keimanan . Eceh.
Kalau tanya kenapa dia mcm tu, what personal, let's keep it personal okay. So jgn lah marah kalau korang tanya kitorang okay ke tak lepastu aku ckp takdepape. Haha.
Yang boleh bagitahu, yup, dia akan flyyyy to Sarawak. Move to Sarawak.
Ye, malam tadi dah menangis apa semua.
Sebenarnya dah lama dah tahu dia nak pindah sana . Tapi buat tak tahu je. Nak dengar dari mulut dia sendiri.
Takpelah, dah belajar tak nak rindu dia ( bapok menipu nya)
haha.
Just nak cakap, Isha, balik lah ke sini selalu. Sampai hati kau kan wahai sepado, tinggalkan aku sesorang.
Sat gi kau dah pindah, dengan siapalah aku nak minta tolong .
Nanti memalam keluar, siapa lah nak bebel panjang-panjang tanya kenapa keluar malam , " tak padan dengan mata rabun. U8 dengan U6 pun tak boleh beza kau ni". tagline famous oleh minah tu.
Kau marah marah tu la yang nanti aku rindu.
Hahaha. TAK NAK RINDU PUNNN.
Pagi tadi before temankan Isha pergi lunch kt Sakae Sushi, tak ke culture shock aku. Heret masuk Kenny Rogers tau menggelupur. Bila lah dapat merasa Kenny Rogers.
Tak nak lama pula nak tunggu minah ni.
Lepastu ada lelaki ni tetiba, " aduh cramp. boleh duduk sini?".
lepastu dia tanya duduk mana . banyak tanya pula, annoying gila.
yang aku ni ws minah sepado tu (buat buat busy) padahal minah sepado tu tak de pun ws aku. haha. aku buat buat busy typing padahal screen tengah lock tu. hahaha.
dia tanya macam macam  aku just , "ha'ah" lepastu senyum . kasi senyuman yang penuh manis . aumm.
dalam hati, " mana lah minah sepado niiiii". tak pasal kena cop sombong dengan mamat tadi . tahi kucing betul. dia tanya nama aku, aku cakap nama aku Fatin. HAHAHAHAHAAHHA. Fatin Hanisah. hahahahahaahahahahhhaahahaha
lepastu minah tu dah datang , macam superman return dah. dah bla, terus gelak . Isha gelak sampai merah muka dia. hahaha.
Okay tiket pukul 6 petang esok balik. Macam tak cukup je . Malas nak balik Pahang yang tak ada apa-apa. Bosaaannnn.
fikir lecturer macro lagi. Ya Ampun, last time kelas dia, memang tak boleh nak fake lagi dah depan dia. Memang aku tarik muka. Aku rasa macam nak campak kasut busuk dekat dia lepastu cekik cekik dia lepastu suruh dia mengajar betul betul. Ish. serious bengkek gila aku dengan lecturer tu. dapat pula kelas elc yang .... aduh aduh aduh.
sem ni tak ada apa yang best pun.
semua pun.
sem ni serious tak happy gila. hahahah.
rasa macam melepet atas katil kt bilik lagi elok dari pergi kelas, lagi bagus dari melayan benda duniawi ni hahaaha.
bunyi mcm dah fucked up gila dah aku ni.

Jangan cakap " I missed our old conversation where we tell each other about everything"

kalau tak ada effort.

Sebab

aku rasa dah digantikan, depan mata aku.

Jadi tak payah cakap apa-apa tentang rindu

sebab penat .

dengan plastiknya .

kadang-kadang rasa macam buat keputusan yang salah.

rasa macam masuk kawasan perang 

kawasan macam tempat berani mati.

sekali jejak tak boleh undur balik tapi kena juga harungi sampai penghujung.

perasaannya rasa macam bunuh diri.

penat.

penat jadi tunggul

penat jadi halimunan.

aku bukan sampah.

aku ada perasaan.

kalau aku senyap.

jangan tanya kenapa.

jangan lepastu baru sibuk nak layan.

jangan baru sibuk nak bercakap dengan aku.

maknanya aku kena senyapkan diri baru nak bercakap dengan aku?

tak payah.

kalau tanya kenapa aku berubah.

kenapa aku tak macam dulu.

kenapa aku tak caring macam dulu.

buat apa aku nak buat mcm tu ,

kalau balasan dia sampah.

tak ada apa yang beza antara yang pernah jadi dengan apa yang jadi sekarang.

dah serik, dah malas. dah muak.

kata nak balik.
6hb tak ada pun.
7hb pun tak ada.
8hb tak ada.
9hb pun tak ada.
11hb nak balik dah.
kata nak balik.
10 tahun pun janji yang sama.
kata nak balik.
hari-hari tunggu.
tak ada pun.
hahahaahahahhaha

harini duduk rumah je. beli tiket bas dapat tiket malam. nak cakap tahi kucing pun rasa macam ....

tapi mmg tahi kucing .

ibu tanya berani ke, aku pun jawab , " apa apa jadi ibu kena redha", jawab dalam hati lah. hahahaha

entah kenapa semenjak dua menjak ni makin kosong pula otak ni.

makin tak bercakap pula aku ni.

why. why . why should we buy the golden disc and not the silver disc.

okay .tak lawak.

ni semenjak jatuh tangga haritu , telinga belah kanan mcm tak berfungsi je. hahahaha. hashtag aku tak pekak.

negro punya pasal. walaupun dia tak buat apa - apa. tapi nampak je pun dah boleh takut. jadi tekad sudah ku untuk tidak keluar malam.

tak padan dengan kaki pendek nak naik tangga macam aku ni atlet acara lari berpagar. sekali bedebuk. nasib negro tu tak nampak.

mungkin sebab kaki tak dapat menampung berat overload ni ? mungkinkah?

oh tidak mungkin. pusat graviti aku rendah.

haritu keluar dengan adiella , gelak memanjang. atototo, comel nya adie ni.

dah la terpeleot masa turun tangga , lepas dia terpeleot, tak sampai dua saat, aku pula terpeleot. gelak la sepanjang berjalan, tup tup dah sampai kt sogo. jeng jeng jeng.

lepastu pergi ts semata nak kejarkan umobile centre last sekali, urusan pasal umobile tu tak dpt selesaikan pun. 

jalan punya jalan perut ku berbunyi dengan lantang . oh malu ku malu..

lunch la dekat 1st avenue. acah nak bajet high class. lepastu sendeng kt adie, " tak pernah makan dekat starbuck". lepastu adie, " kau minum kopi ke?". lepastu aku pun hahahaahhaahahahahahha.

kat 1st avenue tu rules wait to be seated mcm dah boleh buang kot. wait punya lama. 

nasib baik dia bagi meja kt tempat yang acah sweet. so bermanisan la aku dengan adie. sembang sembang gelak terbahak sampai tercekik tersodak . bayangkanlah dari pukul 11 pagi sampai pukul 2ptg. berapa jam tu. banyak benda cerita. itu pun rasa macam nak sleep over je kt situ. okay tak lawak.

lepastu dapat manja manja dengan adie sekejap je. huaaahhh.. tak puas nak menyendeng.

lepastu byk bazirkan masa pusing satu ts just nak cari kasut aku. kasut tu dah jumpa. dalam jutaan kedai, ada dekat satu kedai je. dan itu pun tak ada saiz. menangis aku. 

lepastu, adie ckp, "aku sebenarnya taknak wish tapi aku nak wish jugak. happy birthday. okay jom pergi cari present kau". lepastu dapatlah dress putih satu. bila nak pakai entah.

saya sudah gemuk. bila bolehnya pakai punn.

kenapa ayat mcm..

pape la.

lepastu pukul berapa entah singgah nusentral. jakun weyhhh. jakun. first menapak kt sana.

next time hang dekat sana je la dengan adie. ada gsc kannnn.. ada mcm mcm..

nak balik pun senang je. naik ktm terus sampai. 

tapi masalahnya,, bila nya . bilaaa.

last sekali sampai rumah pukul berapa entah. tapi petang la.

boleh kira awal la. kalau tak selalu balik nak dekat maghrib.

lepastu sampai kt rumah, haa makanan untuk ku tersedia. makan lagi. jadi lapisan lemak yang ke berapa entah tu.

apa panjang sgt cerita aku ni . okay bye.

Goodbye 2014

The only thing Im thinking about right now is you, Hanis.
Dah genap 4 bulan semenjak kau pergi. The hardest part of all was letting you go and realizing that times goes by so fast . It's hurt that so many thing happened after you've gone .
I miss you so much it's hurt.
It's new year Hanis.
Even time goes by and no matter how busy you are, no matter how far we were apart,
tak pernah sekali kau lupa wish .
The longest wish always comes from you,
filled with words that's going to makes me feel good and give me good vibe.
Banyak benda jadi lepas kau pergi.
The hardest part of all that was I have no one to share.
Semua pendam sendiri.
Tak siapa kenal aku macam mana kau kenal aku.
Yang faham masalah aku, kau.
Terasa sangat bila aku nak bercerita macam macam,
tersedar,
aku tak ada siapa siapa.
rindu kau.
yang boleh layan aku.
gelak .
semua.
kadang-kadang rasa....
kenapa.
tapi, ramai cakap ,
semua ni ada hikmah.
mungkin hikmah dia, untuk ajar aku berdikari.
jadi kuat .
kau tahu kenapa aku tak nak sambut birthday.
then why kau jadi one of the reason.
meaningless sgt birthday aku dari setiap tahun.
perkara yang sama.
losing . losing . and losing.
kalau kau ada sekarang,
mesti kau akan cakap, " mulah dah keluar sajak annoying puitis lara kau tu"
kan?
lepas tu, kau jugak yang layankan sajak annoying puitis lara aku ni kan?
rindu.
aku doakan kau yang terbaik kat sana Hanis.
aku rindu kau sangat sangat.
rindu sangat sangat.

Perjalanan jauh tak ku rasaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Hyep!

Assalamualaikum~~~

What a tiring day.

First of all.

Last night, was .. a nightmare. haha

last night,

i had this feeling,

whereby,

i dont feel good at all..

aching the whole body..

it's like my brain going to explode.

it's like,

it wasnt my heart which is pumping the blood, but it's brain.

it's like my brain,

expand and shrink , expand and shrink.

thinking about what's gonna happen today.

man,

i gotta choose between two.

So, i had this plan whereby,

I asked my friends to hang out, more like outing.

but in the same time,

my friend, Ana,

asked me for a date.

and i was like. emmmm.. which one?

i really wanted to go with my coursemate especially , S is coming to KL.

She is from Perak. so,

it's like one in a million time she can come to KL.

I wanna grab this chance so bad.

but, i know i wont be able to make her happy 

especially with my conditions

plus i was thinking to bring along Ana.

so, i estimated that i wont be having fun with my coursemate, instead i will be spending my time on Ana.

cause last night, my course mate wasnt that keen wanna go out with me and S.

so, i made my point to ask Ana to go out with me tomorrow. plus,

 i need to buy ticket to go back to Jengka.

then,

suddenly today,

everyone was like, " okay , i'll be joining".

it's not that im not happy.

i was so happy 

but comes to think of i already brought Ana,

and Im sure Ana didnt like it.

i felt so low.

this morning i was sooo excited that i'll be meeting Ana after a long time.

i have a tons of stories to tell her.

so do her.

i am really keen to meet her today.

we had this short date . for today.

where,

we went to a lot of places.

firstly,

i went to Kepong Sentral, the place where we met .

i was sooooooooooo happy to see her. she is shrinking i told ya!

haha

and,

i bumped out to Aizuddin.

I really didnt noticed him until he spoke to me.

i was like,

 errr okay. 

so shyyy.

he asked me about my destination and so on.

and i am shocked to know that he already broke up with his dearest girlfriend.

but he wont tell me why he broke up with her.

i guess,

if that's what he wanted, 

ok dont tell me. haha

so, i asked him, where is he going to?

he said, he dont know.

so, i was like .. emmm okay..

then, we just separated.

he knew that i'll be at Mid Valley and he asked me what time I will be home. 

i told him,

i am going to watch Need for Speed.

at 7.20p.m

i had this feeling where,

if i wasnt there,

there will be no difference.

because,

no one treat me.

ahahaha

but im not seeking for attention.

sokay,

i've been through that situation for the rest of my life everytime i hang out with my friendsss.

i told ya im a bored person.

and meantime i was in the cinema,

Din asked me 

" are you going home with me?"

"it's very dangerous if you're going home alone".

and i told him

"sokay, i can count on myself".

but then i rethink.

it'll be so dark at Kepong Sentral. especially today is Saturday.

and nigga a.k,a negro in damai are so uncountable today.

i became scared and think of so many things.

then,Med text me, he offered a lift.

and i was like.

"sokay , i can take bus."

but i was so worried about Sardin.

she is about to cry in train.

and plus,

there's a man who sat in from of me but he is like 20 steps away from me,

gave me this kind of look where i think i wanna throw my shoes at him.

so, i moved to Sardin's side.

when i'm about to evacuate off the train, i noticed that man gave me that signal.

and i was like, " fuck you man".

and then,

ahhhh..

i cant see clearly.

it was dark and unclear.

seemed like there were fogging.

i forgot that i cant see clearly during night.

plus,

im shortsightedness.

i was thinking , " how can i catch my bus?!!!!".

i was alone.

and my phone died. due to 0% of battery

and i was like.

"okay, if anything happened to me, please tell my mom i love her."

i was thinking something bad happened to me and i cant reach anyone.

plus my home is still miles awayyyy...

and i'm worried for sardin too.

hmmm.

then,  i walked out of the KTM.

There were no one except me.

everyone has left.

i walked a bit late because i cant see things clearly.

and, at the bridge,

i told ya.

it's veryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy dark.

i cant see anything. no. i still can see things. but it was like 50%.

then,

i went to bustop.

and

i saw Aizuddin.

and i was like ....

 "THANK GOD!!!!!".

and i safely reached home.

eventhough it's very very very late.

and everyone at home had gone to sleep.

so,

i quickly charged up my phone and 

i replied to Med's text.

but,

i'm soooo hungry.

but there were no foodddddddddd.

but today at least,

im happy to see my friends happy.

it's S and Naz. heheehehehhe.

i had good time today.

eventhough i broke Ana's heart which cause my mood turned down today.

but,

still,

today is not that bad.

nanite!

Ku menitiiiiiii.......

Assalamualaikum.

Harini. Ada down. Ada tak down. ada so-so.

Hmm.. nak share pasal isnin ke?

Tade apa pun jadi isnin tu.

Ada pun, cerita tu private. Bukan private. Tapi bukan untuk di-sharekan buat masa ni.

Tengoklah. 

kalau dah jumpa penghujung cerita tu, baru boleh share. 

kalau tak, nanti jadi cerita tergantung.

Semalam , penat je la.

Kawad apa semua.

Lepas tu, lari dari HEP ke bahagian sukan kat belakang tu. penatt.

Sampai-sampai je kat tempat berkumpul platun Charlie, 

peluh membanjiri hidung, lubang hidung, mata, kening dan segala-galanya.

Komander Q tade. Komander Saifullah take over.

Oh btw,

Komander Q,

aku dah tak berapa nak adore dia sangat dah.

Sebab,

semenjak kebelakangan ni,

makin lama, makin dah nampak realiti life seorang komander.

Mungkin apa yang kita nampak,

komander tu macam robot.

gitu gini gitu gini.

and akan anggap dorang tak sama macam kita.

dari apa yang kita tengok, dorang selalu sorang.

and apa semua la kan.

but, 

to be honest,

sebab aku kan perhatikan aje komander Q ni.

asal aku nampak je dia, aku akan terus pandanggggggggggggg je dia.

setiap saat la kira ni.

obses kan aku ni.

haha. biar obses asalkan tak obes.

(ok, 2 bintang)

aku perasan dia ni sebenarnya sama je macam orang lain.

makin lama,

makin aku nampak realiti nya.

(cewah ayat)

buat apa aku nak gilakan dia.

kan?

kalau setakat nak suka-suka,

buang masa.

nanti kalau suka-suka jadi

betul betul, tak ke susah?

gerak hati aku cakap,

"tak payah la".

lagipun, nanti kalau cinta hati dia tahu ,

(cewah, cinta hati katanya)

mestilah tak suka en.

en en en en.

lagipun, aku tengok, orang yang minat dia tu,

semua cantik-cantik.

aku ni sah- sah tenggelam.

jadi,

ianya buatkan aku jadi rasa lagi downnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.

jadi.

aku tak nak rasa terrible sgt pasal diri aku sbb aku tahu

kalau aku dibandingkan dengan mana-mana perempuan,

aku ni memang kalah.

tak ada apa yang hebat pun pasal aku ni.

haha.

konklusinya,

feeling "crush" on someone akan buat anda rasa down for some reason.

cukup pasal ini.

nak share pasal lari. sambung cerita tadi, haha.

kan dah lari tu,

time lari tu,

rasa macam nak pengsan.

boleh pulak time aku lari tu, penghulu tu potong aku,

kalau tak aku dah jadi orang pertama tauuuu.

ish. 

dah la penghulu.

(gelakkkkkkkkkkkk)

serius rasa nak pengsan sbb tak makan lagi en.

mkn tu mkn . tp mkn nugget.

mkn kuih.

air tak minum langsung.

mestilah tak cukup tenaga.

lepas tu,

kaki kiri time tu rasa macam nak terseliuh je.

aku tak sangka walaupun injured dah lama, boleh drag sampai ke hari ni. 

serius tak sangka.

tapi, aku rasa kalau aku maintain buat fitness,

sure injured kaki kiri aku ni will be heal.

anyway..

balik daripada latihan kesat, terus minum air 2 botol. nampak tak kehausan nya di situ?

and Mimi cakap dia nak give up training kt kolej dia.

hmm.

mimi ni.

baru first day training . kene la tahan kay ? 

anda boleh buat.

minum milo bersemangat juaraaaaaaaa

mencapai cita-citaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok.

apa lagi nak share.

oh, lepas latihan kesat pergi ceramah pasal simbol Yahudi.

kalau anda fokus,

(seperti saya) hahaha

anda akan selalu rasa terkejut sebab

banyak benda yang berkait and bersangkut dengan yahudi, even dekat dalam malaysia ni.

and tak sangka ejen penyebaran , and ape mende nth, untuk dajjal ni, ialah TV kita.

kan?

TV tu semua orang pun ade kot. dalam rumah pulak tu.

and waktu munculnya fitnah dajjal tu,

ish serius seram la kalau nak dibayangkan ,

bertambah seram bila ustaz kata,

kaum yang paling majoriti akan terpengaruh or follow dajjal ini, is kaum hawa.

kadang-kadang rasa macam nak berharap, aku mati sebelum munculnya fitnah dajjal,

mati dalam iman semestinya.

entah kebelakangan ni,

aku selalu dapat info pasal dajjal.

tak tahu kenapa.

jadi, info aku pasal dajjal dalam pale otak aku ni sangat padat ye.

haha.

Hmm. lepas habis ceramah tu, pukul 11.30,

belajar account dengan Cikgu Kim dekat facebook. 

Bayangkan sorang kat Kuala Selangor. Sorang kat Pahang.

susah gila nak explain pakai messenger je.

aku ni dah la serius slow gila kalau bab account.

even masa Kemahiran Hidup bab account ni masa tu form 1 ke form 2,

aku la manusia yang paling tak faham pasal debit kredit ape kejadah semua tu.

cikgu tanya faham, aku akan jawab " FAHAAAAAAAAAAAAM".

bila cikgu suruh buat, aku ngangaaaaaaaaa.

some students yang lain akan rasa aku ni beban.

sebab kalau cikgu nak explain, tak pasal-pasal dengan dorang2 sekali kena denga cikgu explain.

tapi,

kisah pulak aku?

haha.

ok.

then harini pun,,,,,,,,

belajar account.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.......

ituje la comment aku.

hmm. harini downnnnnnnn.

tapi disebabkan "jam" S,

ianya buat aku gelak sampai senak tulang rangka aku.

haha.

harini S dengan aku pergi date dekat bandar.

selalu aku date dengan bella.

tapi kini dengan S.

haha.

S mesti bosan dengan aku.

 sbb aku ni jenis yang tak banyak interaksi.

tak tahu nak bagi respons macam mana.

apa yang penting,

terima kasih la kepada S kerana sanggup meluangkan masa anda dengan AIDA YG MEMBOSANKAN INI.

rasa macam nak cite something tau. mcm nak luahkan perasaan. tapi,

tape lah.

buat masa ni boleh tahan.

kekeke.

tapi tadi tak de selera nak makan.

mee hoon yang beli kt DM tu, terpaksa dibuang begitu sahaja.

kenapa la aku ni depressed mcm ni... hmmm.

anyway :D 

goodluck test listening esok kepada student AS dengan BM kay!

sbb roomate tercinta, Atie pun akan amek test tu sama-sama dengan aku. 

kekeke. nanti nak balik bilik dengan dia je la.

kekeke.

Hmm. skg ni patut la aku rasa macam krik krik je bilik aku ni.

Lily dengan Atie tengah zzzz.

ish2.

kay la. sampai siini sahaja cerita harini.

bosan kan?haha.

pape pun. 

assalamualaikum!

dan jgn lupa selitkan doa elak dari fitnah dajjal dan sebagainya selepas solat kay !

selamat malam